This piece was written the day before my husband, who only months earlier had been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, went in for a procedure, never to come out of ICU...
As I sit here with the warm sun shining and the cool breeze blowing from our bedroom window that overwhelms me with the beauty of the mysterious ocean, I try to surrender to Your love and promise of good things that are yet to come.
In the depths of a sadness that burdens me with an inescapable feeling of unease, I wonder how much longer I can endure this season, where the many unknowns of the future all but consumes me with insurmountable fear that I am constantly having to cast away.
I need your strength, Lord. Yet I feel weak. I yearn for your joy as I wipe away another tear. I hold onto hope that has never faltered, and wonder when, this too shall pass.
I am a child of the most almighty God. A chosen one to do great things, a promise I know in my heart to be true, but my mind often forgets.
Please don't leave me despite my unbelief. I hope you see my heart when your words I know so well don't penetrate. I know you have good things for us. I know all things work together for good to those who love You.
I pray you replace my fear with faith. My tears with laughter, my doubt with a hope that never fails.
You are God and I am not. You are in control and have gone before us. You are an awesome God who never forsakes or betrays. Please help me take hold of your truth and not let go. You are perfect in your timing.
You will never fail.
Thank you for loving me. Thank you for giving me another chance when all hope before was lost. You have never left my side.
God, I know you are good! Why am I so sad?!